Tom Sizemore IS Bottom Feeder (Promo)

All right, are. You ready for the movie threat? Sure. This was just like a week or so ago, and I was like, I already know what movie we're doing this week. But I didn't know for sure where we were going until I ran across Hellgirl.

Now in the top, you may not have noticed, it says starring Tom Sizemore. Jesus Christ. So, let's see. What the hell? I don't think I can handle any more low-rate Tom Sizemore horror movies.

Let's see. That poor bastard. A team of ghost hunters must set aside their quick buck party ways. Think about that. When they discover that one of their own is the offspring of the demonic entity haunting their latest job.

All right. All right. Starring Tom Sark. As Hell Girl. Where did they find that picture of me for the cover?

I mean, she's very demonic. So, yes, it might be. Mm-hmm. Let's see who else. Let me zoom in and see the rest of our stellar cast here.

It is Jai Head. Is that a word even? J-A-E. You said it, therefore it's a word. Is the first name.

Head. Stellar cast, as I said. Tara Westwood. You know, your favorite actress, Tara Westwood. Sure.

Time Sizemore. And. Carrington Payne. Oh, that's a name. Is it?

It's spelled funky. It's K-H-E-R-I-N-T-O-N. Carrington. Carrington. You better be fancy with that kind of name.

So, Hellgirl, that's what we could be watching next time around, but hopefully somebody out there listening to this We'll realize that's not what we really want, other than we want to see this cool picture of Nora here. But the movie itself, I don't know if it's going to hold up. So hopefully you will be like, oh, I know of a much better movie they could watch. And then you'll join the Meltdown Horror Club and give us a better movie than Hellgirl, starring and or in the titular role Tom Sizemore, who I guess is Hellgirl. Or you can even give us a movie that's as bad or worse than Hellgirl.

We're clearly not picky. Because this was my first one I ran across. Yesterday I was out once again looking for more crap. I found another Tom Sizemore movie that I will save for a future one of these. Because, yes, there's so many.

Tom Sizemore got hard up for cash. So we'll cover that in this week's episode. But, yeah, there's a lot of cheesy movies you've never heard of starring a bunch of random ass people. And Tom Sizemore. Okay, well.

So, yeah, yeah. But if you don't, you know, we'll end up with Hellgirl. And then we'll have Tom Slally's more comments like this. Is there anything more adorable than a person growing a pumpkin. Patch out of spike?

That's kind of my reason. Which is what I feel like the girl did after they mowed everything. Oh, yeah, because they mowed down everything on this side. But her side was still kind of in her, like, garden area, which they technically, I guess, aren't supposed to be messing with. So she specifically built it up and got super excited and had several pumpkins, way more than even showed up over here, really.

I want to meet this woman, but at the same time, I'm afraid, too, that it would spoil the magic. Kind of. Because I only see her every once in a while, and I'm like, hey, how's it going? And that's about it. And I'm like, we should probably leave.

It at that. Because I'm picturing the kindest, sweetest, most pure-hearted person who also bakes people into cookies. Because ultimately I have a 12-step plan to attract crows, train them, and make my own personal crow army. It starts in outer space. It's aliens.

It's zombies. It's like your standard douchey frat boy movie. It is all of the dumb movies rolled into one. And there's a slasher storyline thrown in. It's all of the things kind of thrown in, and somehow it still comes out super fun and ridiculous but enjoy but he.

Kept doing it this morning and so finally pierce went over and opened the door and he went in and he found something and i'm sitting on the floor doing my hair and i have the like mirror in front of me so i see him behind me walk up with a tail flipping up and down like out of his mouth this is pierce right. Yeah i mean this is the horror movie i'm writing Well, again, if anything, it's like right up your alley because it's not only horror related, but like the comedy writing is like so top notch. I like to mix it up so people. Don't have to hear me. Two stories below ground, one level above hell.

Oh, man. Bottom feeder. Bottom feeder. This has two taglines. Evil lies beneath the surface.

That's where they spent all their money on taglines. You know, I don't think I had a favorite character. Inject yourself with this, and you follow it up with this blue stuff, you're good. It's gonna fix everything that's messed up with you, your jacked up face, you'll be able to walk around without that wheelchair, like, everything's gonna be great. But, if you're off just a little, mutant creature.

I was like, is that how we do things? I mean.... The stone cold badass. I'm telling you, after a while, I was like, I'm on board with this chick. She's pretty cool.

She's a little excessive. She pulls her gun out at everything and everyone. Just saying. I was kind of okay with her. She'd like to come over.

Why did he even bother to consult the map? Because it was three squares connected with a line. And then one diagonal. It's a hallway. So you go down it, you get to the other part.

This whole movie's hallways. That's all we got. I was so perplexed by their side gig when they were having that phone call to negotiate tongue depressors for $ 32. What was the whole case? That's a great deal.

I was like, it's $ 32. It hardly seems worth the time and risk of being fired. Right? And I kept thinking we were. I.

Was just like, no. Stop talking. Just go get killed by a monster. And, like, everybody mentioned... Like, the interview with Tom Sizemore, he brings it up.

The interview with the agent chick brings it up. Like, everybody's like, yeah, normally you don't shoot this many pages. It's like, normally if you're on... If you're Tom Sizemore doing, you know, heat... You're doing one page today.

You know, like, all you gotta do is you go through this page, you make sure you get your coverage and your shots and, like, everybody's there and everything's taken care of and we invest tons of time and money into making this scene look great. They were shooting ten or more pages a day. Oh, wow. So, like, that's probably when, you know, day two, Tom Sizeman was like, screw this. I'm out of here.

Like, this isn't how I work. And then he and the agent lady get all flirty. With each other. I mean, can you blame him for some reason? She's very bossy.

And that's the way Tom likes it. Priorities. Maybe I was just reading into it. First we escape the rat man. Then we get to know each other.

Can we flash back to the beginning? Yes. Where she just. What was that? Why?

The sunglasses. But why? Why? Yeah, why did she. I don't know.

Because we don't know what it was they just blew up. And I was like, is that coming back later? Nope. It's just like, just that she knows how to work an explosive device? Is that all we needed to set up?

Or. This is the stakes of these guys are such horrible people. They'll blow up a building. We don't know why or what it was or what this has to do with what we're talking about. But look, they blew up a building.

Well, it had a beaker on it. So clearly it is a science building. I just noticed a note that I had, which was, rat man is in his business pants. Yeah. Well.

He has his black business performance. He took a. Page from the Incredible Hulk, and even though he doesn't need pants anymore, he needs pants still. Like, oh, listen, I slacks. Yeah.

Rat man's got a slacks. I mean, nobody cleared it with him that day. Like, look, dress in loose clothes, because you're probably going to mutate into a giant rat guy. Yeah. My dad walked in and asked me what I was watching, and then he wanted a synopsis, and I thought, oh, this is going to take forever to explain.

And then about 30 seconds later, as I'm explaining it, I'm like, no, that's it. That's pretty much it. Tom Sizemore. Comments. Questions.

Life choices. Life choices. Questioned. Lots of questions. So go to MovieMeltdown.com and you can join the Meltdown Horror Club and give us a much better movie than him.